I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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