Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
