Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
