Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
we should paint friendship bongs
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