The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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