I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
