Already got asked if we're dating
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
