Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
