you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
