Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I fill condoms, not promises.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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