the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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