This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
