Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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