her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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