i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
