dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
