Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
