Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
