with your own penis?
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
