maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
