Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
