not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
