At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
