dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
