Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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