i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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