You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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