I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize