CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
