Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
