Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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