I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
