If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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