So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
