I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
