I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
