I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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