I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
