you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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