I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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