you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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