Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
