Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i think i just lost a toe
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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