I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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