I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
