I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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