i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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