I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
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