Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
