it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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