Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
